dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
