she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
