I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
