Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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