Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
