just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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