just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
