He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
