he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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