she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
