for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
