i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
