Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
