Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
