There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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