When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
