I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
