You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
