WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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