We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
