I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
