your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
