i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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