Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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