You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pants are for mortals
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
