Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression

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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

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(858): View more from California

Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

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(713): View more from Texas

Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

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(214): View more from Texas

So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.

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