Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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