R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
