i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ruined the universe
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
