we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
