the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
