My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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