What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
