I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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