i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
