i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
