i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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