the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
