I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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