All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
