So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
