her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
