You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
