i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
