just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
