fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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