roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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