Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
