Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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