There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
