i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
