Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
