i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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