If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
