is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
