If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
