I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
